I’ve Moved. The Lol (dot) net

I didn’t trust wordpress.com with my blog, but I still need to blog about stuff… it helps. But wordpress.com was just messing everything up, I need more flexibility… you can find my new blog at The LOL (dot) net

 Sorry to all members that read me here, I just got discouraged when my layout was completely fudged up by wordpress.com

 To Infinity and beyond! (lol)


December 7, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

Well my mom died Aug 16th, I don’t know if i will be able to post for a while.

September 4, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

I wrote to Oprah *wishful thinking*

Hello Oprah,
I am writing you to suggest a show about chronic pain and how it is neglected in this country. It might also have to do with the whole Sicko documentary, and other medical issues you seem to be interested in. Some disorders I would like featured are fibromyalgia, ehlers danlos syndroms, and other arthralgic and myofascial pain disorders.

I hope that if you do run a show you would include me on it!

I’ve had joint pain and muscle spasms almost daily since 2002. I have sought help to no avail. I have written letters to doctors, and I will keep writing… I really need some help to pull me out of this. I have been thrown bad luck after bad luck, after being a survivor of emotional abuse I have suffered lingering depression, just when I thought my emotional hurt was over, the physical pain started… and I had something new controlling my life.

I have been neglected over and over again as I seek for help with my chronic joint and muscle pain. I have not even a clue what is going on in my own body, and it is ruining my life. Doctors tend to ignore you right away if you tell them you’ve had pain for years. Especially if you are overweight. Also if they even attempt to help they tend to neglect proper treatment for chronic pain, due to all of the controversy regarding prescription pills. What they seem to not understand is living without pain relief is not only detrimental to my physical health… it is eating away at my mental health too. I have come back many times from the doctors office feeling suicidal. It is important to understand why… I do have a history of depression, but however if you were in nearly 24-7 pain you would seek any remedy, even thoughts of suicide I guess.

I recently injured my tailbone and I spent a whole month in agony, normally I can barely walk But ever since then I can barely sit. For a whole month I could not move… I had to crawl from my living room to the bedroom to get between rooms, on my belly like a dog…and when I sought treatment I was basicly refused and sent away without anything being done. (at least thats what it felt like.) I was looked at, but nothing was done. Just a simple steroid injection that took the pain away for 24 hours. It is important to note that I cannot get insurance because of my weight in the current state I live. I am living in below poverty conditions at the moment, and my inlaws are helping out with bills.

I attempted to go to college, but my disability prevented me from doing so. I am not even sure if what I have is a long term thing, or if it can be cured because of the way doctors treat me. It’s also somewhat of a double standard as I cannot get disability when the doctors won’t say what’s wrong with me. I’ve pleaded with them to help me, (even cried in office many times) with no help given to me. I have also asked for a refund because of lack of service and was told that no, indeed I was not going to be given a refund. That $56 could have bought food for a whole week, or payed some of our bills…actually the $56 wasn’t even mine and was my mother in law’s.

I don’t just want disability I would like to say. I want to get better if that is something that can happen. I have not gotten anywhere in the doctors office after shelling out cash out of pocket. I would also like to mention my pain has little to do with my weight, as my hand and finger joints hurt too. But you would understand that even if it was my weight I am not getting help, and it is hard to move on from being an overweight person. I have been diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome, and that could explain alot behind my current weight issues.

I think if you did a show about this, it would be a hit and many people could relate. I’m not asking for much, But I wish you could hook me up with a good doctor to help me sort out what is wrong with me. I would love to hear that it isn’t something disabling and that I might have a chance at a normal life, and have a career someday.

Currently I can not see beyond my pain, and I wish that I could go to college – or even get a mediocre job. But I am forced to live in poverty without help at the moment.

It seems bad luck also follows me, my mother was diagnosed with Cancer Jan 07. She lost her restaurant business, and I should be writing this all for her. I feel really bad for even being concerned over myself in this letter. She also lost her house and my sister was forced to move in with her boyfriend. My whole family was
shaken, and my mom is paying rent to my aunt out of her own concern… she shouldn’t have to worry about that. I wish she could have kept her house, even though it was in bad shape.

My best friend always watches your show, and always begs me to write you for my condition. She also hopes that one day she can have her teeth fixed, and have a makeover… She has been also put down through her life, and told she can never succeed. She would kill me if I didn’t mention her in a Letter to Oprah! She loves you!

I understand Oprah has limited time, and that whoever is reading this has to select the best stories. But please hear me, I’m looking for a miracle. <Hugs> And if you find someone who needs more help than I, please help them instead.

August 11, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

Somebody commented here about Morgellons, well here is some more info from Wiki.

Morgellons from Wiki

It’s supposedly delusional parasitosis or something…  I dunno.  Read about it, but I’m becoming skeptical about things lately. I’m sure there are a million diseases and disorders we don’t even know about… but they need to look into stuff that is going on… instead of inventing new diseases. Ok maybe i’m being a hypocrite… I just am so lost in all of this myself. And alot of things are linked and have overlying symptoms…

Personally I would have just been happy to get treatment for the pain and the ability to get disabilty because I’m sick and cant work… i dont care about exactly what I have I guess. I just want fucking help.

But if this helps you or you enjoy reading about stuff go for it.

August 11, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

Apathy is dieting!

Well I know I said I wouldn’t post anything new, but I am currently on a diet and I’m doing much better. I still have joint pain, but at least my tailbone isnt hurting anymore. I think i just have a pilonidal cyst it still hurts when I sit on my butt for very long. I never want to go through that hell again though. (Edited to add : I looked for pictures of these cysts, and I don’t have any external symptoms?! Maybe it is a hyper mobile coccyx after all.)

Um the doctors still don’t do shit for me, even after going there again… I was lied to again. I went to a “Doctor” but I was misled into believing she was a doctor when she was really a nurse. I am trying anything… and she ordered blood tests. I thought, okay i might have septic arthritis… Well I’ve learned my lesson… never tell doctors what you think it is. Because they discredit you if you know whats wrong with you in any sort of way. Don’t tell them anything, don’t trust them either to help you… you might just walk away from it wanting to commit suicide because you feel helpless. I’m not so much angry anymore… just dissapointed. Also another lesson is If you are overweight don’t expect treatment. My aunt who is a nurse herself told me this. They actually teach people in medical school to not treat obese persons as rational people… and to discredit everything we say.

Down from 400+ now I’m around 375… I’m on metformin to control my appetite and working on the yeast infection… i have a skin infection… not the vaginal kind. Ugh… actually I might start my blog again… I just have so much to talk about and it’s not being expressed anywhere else…

My mom is still alive, I worry about her.

August 11, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

Wow, after all of my hard work on getting this thing going wordpress screwed up my page by removing my sidebars. Hmm, well if you watch my blog (not likely) I’m going to abandon it. Good Luck.

May 8, 2007. Pain. 2 comments.

Trying something new today, anti-yeast and fungal diet! Yayness.

For better health and less fibromyalgia pain.



Basically what we are doing is eliminating anything that isn’t fresh or natural – and getting rid of sugary foods too. Sugar is the food for these little buggers (the yeast)

Now some of you think that vaginal yeast infections are what I’m going on about, no actually it’s not. Your whole body can be affected by yeast.  Here is a page generally about yeast infections :


Lets hope this makes some impact to my health 😦

April 26, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

Ugh woke up today feeling bent and flat.

Have you ever felt like you were run over by a mac truck upon waking up? I woke up today and it feels like my nerves are being pinched. Well it’s not a very fun thing and I wake up like this every day in my life. My tailbone however has been getting a bit better. I feel sometimes like I just want to get it over with, and die… before the pain gets worse again. Why won’t those doctors listen to me? <grumble, grumble>

April 26, 2007. Pain, Suicide. Leave a comment.

Obese Women Face Greater Risk for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

FRIDAY, Oct. 27 (HealthDay News) — Overweight and obese women are five times more likely than lean women to have polycystic ovary syndrome, a new Spanish study finds.

Polycystic ovary syndrome, which decreases fertility, occurs when the ovaries malfunction and levels of the hormone androgen in the body are unusually high. Symptoms include acne, excess hair growth, and irregular or no menstrual periods.

Dur. Medical “Professionals” can be so stupid. PCOS is known to cause obesity… therefor alot of women with obesity also have PCOS. Why do they think they can flip a side effect of an illness around and think they have a new take on it? It’s like saying “Chronic pain causes fibromyalgia.” or that “Suicidal thoughts may cause depression”

April 24, 2007. Obesity, PCOS. Leave a comment.

And a big “F*** You” to those Doctors – done my way.

Originally uploaded by AngryApathy.

This is to all those doctors, nurses, ER doctors… who give me those strange looks, and believe it’s all in my head. I know this isn’t polite, but they weren’t either, so this is what they get. I know how I feel… they don’t.

And the biggest F-you of all to a certain Dr. Krapper (mis-spelling of his actual name) , you know who you are you jerk off. You told my hubby off for having sleep apnea, and you told us both off for being poor, and having problems. Well if you can read, read this… F-U-C-K Y-O-U

And this is also dedicated to those internet Doctors whose blogs promote ignorance and hatred towards patients who do research online. Someone has to do the work. I for one care about my health and why I hurt every day. Deal with it. I’m paying doctors like you $50 per 15 minutes 5 minutes – out of MY pocket to listen to my conclusions about my own health problems… while you sit back and look at me like I am a lier… or that it’s all in me head. Not once do you even bother to take a look at my findings … nonetheless come up with your own. So take a good look at my hypermobile hand, and ask yourself why you didn’t listen to me… and diagnose this BITCH.

I didn’t paint my nails because I don’t feel like it at the moment, yes that is my middle finger, the rest are bent in knots around it, or in odd ways. Yes this pic is real, and is moi. =) I’m not normally this rude, but I’ve been 10 shades of angry this week. My ass has been killing me for 2 weeks, and not a damn thing has been done about it to help me. My whole body has been aching since 2002 and not a damn thing has been done to help me. I am one angry fat bitch.

April 24, 2007. Pain. Leave a comment.

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